A friend recently asked this of me when giving me the URL of her new blog. (If you're that friend, "Hey, girl!! Woss hoppenin?") Upon reading the comment, I thought to myself, "Well, of course I wouldn't. After all, we've been friends forever and..."
And that's when I realized that there was absolutely NO way I couldn't judge her. Sorry. I am, sad to say, a complete judger of my friends and family. If they get jobs I know they'll hate, date people I know will hurt them, put on weight or lose weight or contemplate surgery, wear the wrong outfit, raise their children differently than me...well, all I have to say is, "Dress me in black and call me Judy."
Strangers? I don't judge them. I mean, I might be all, "Damn, girlfriend needs to rethink that hairdo," but I don't think she's crazy for wearing it that way. After all, I don't know her. She might have some sort of hideous growth coming out of the top of her head that warrants that ponytail. She might be hiding demons from a bad Japanese horror movie ripoff up in there. Who's to say? Not me...because I don't know her.
I know my friends and family. I know who they've slept with and who they wish they slept with. I know their real hair colors and what they're afraid of. I know what foods they like and what perfume they wear and how old they were when they first got drunk. I know their mamas and daddys and brothers and sisters and cousins. I know if their Aunt Martha (and there are several in our bunch) is nasty or nice. I've seen most of them naked or at least half-naked (and honestly wish that I hadn't.) I know how they got their scars on their shins and on their hearts. I know their favorite books, movies, TV shows. I know their pet peeves. I can tell you how each of them look when they're mad, sad, bad, or glad. I know some of them better than I know myself.
And so, right or wrong, I hold them all to the same standard I hold for myself. If one of them says something that's bullshit, I call them on it. If one of them does something stupid, I will at the very least discuss the stupid thing with one or more of the others. Oh, the conversations we have about each other. "Can you be-LIEVE that shit?" "I know. She's going to pay for it later." (Please, please don't think that I believe that any of them have not, at one time or the other, judged some stupidass thing I've said, done, or believed. I can always hear the corresponding voice of the judger when I'm in the process of being a stupidass.)
I'm wondering what effect my entry into the blogging/forum world will have on my judgement protocol. I mean, I honestly LIKE some of the women on the mom's forum I frequent, but I haven't met them. I don't really know who they are and as I am geographically far away from most of them, I doubt I'll meet them. (Double that doubt for the bloggers I'm starting to follow.) I don't know if it's possible to become heart-friends with somebody without seeing her face as she laughs at you or tells you that she loves you.
Whaddya think? Am I alone on my bench? *Ooh, check out how I tried to solicit comments from the readers. Wonder if it will work...*