At nine-years-old, Jeffrey is into farts. He's also into poop, boogers, slime, mucous, vomit, diarrhea, plaque, pus, and pee. Not an item in this list is remarkable or disturbing to me. I grew up with three little brothers and so, basically, this is an affirmation that at the end of the day, Jeffrey is a normal boy. (Will, who grew up with two sisters, is disgusted by the whole thing.) He also draws messy and intricately detailed battlefields and/or military plans and plays video games in which he fights dinosaurs. All of this is fine. Boy stuff. Got it.
However, I've started noticing that his reading habits (which have always run to more mature material) are ramping up a wee bit and I can't decide what to do about it. First it was the "I Survived" series. Hurricane Katrina, the Titanic, the bombing of Pearl Harbor: some kid survived it and an author wrote about it. This is fine. My love for survival stories is well-documented and anything that keeps him from reading The Encyclopedia of Fifty Blue Million Facts for the 843rd time is awesome.
We've moved past that, now, and I can't say I'm all that tickled. Last week it was something like You Wouldn't Want to Live in a Medieval Prison. First of all, REALLY? Living in a medieval prison is something that kids fifth grade and under think about? Or need to think about? Second of all, dudes, that book was fairly gross. Plague and starvation and all sorts of yickness. Other You Wouldn't Want to Live... books followed.
This weekend, when we went to the high school library, my boy wanted to check out a book on epidemics and poisons and antidotes. Erm. No to the poisons, thanks. Yesterday, he brought home a book about life in a concentration camp, complete with awful pictures of ragged, starving, horrified people.
Okay, now, listen. I remember reading about Anne Frank in fourth grade. I remember being taken with her story, and being devastated when I found out she didn't survive. It was sobering and awful and frightening to me, and I don't believe that my state was wrong in attaching her story to the fourth grade curriculum. I think nine-years-old is plenty old enough to grasp that evil and injustice and prejudice exists.
However, it wasn't until I was an adult that I fully grasped (and was fully able to grasp) the horrors that millions of people endured at the hands of the Nazis. I read Night by Elie Wiesel and something about the matter of fact and yet lyrical way he presented the disintegration of his life CHANGED me. I taught it to dozens of fifteen-year-olds and watched as the majority of them grasped, for the first time, the limits of mankind's spirit--on both ends of the spectrum. It was a powerful lesson for them AND for me.
I don't know that Jeffrey is ready for such a lesson. For one thing, being an Aspie (for him) often means that he'll latch onto one aspect of something and become obsessed with it. I don't want him to be obsessed with horror, you know? I want him to understand what happens when people are afraid to act or speak up, but I don't want him to go over and over pictures of skeletal children standing half naked next to piles of trash in his head before bed. As bizarre as this might sound, I want him to understand the motivation and the consequences and the FEELINGS behind those pictures before he pores over them, not just bluster through them with Aspie detachment.
For another, I don't know how appropriate it is age-wise for him to be learning these truths. Will and I were talking about it last night. He remembers learning all about World War Two when he was in fourth grade and drawing tanks and watching shows about Iwo Jima and being fascinated by the scope of the war. I suggested that he guide Jeffrey into an interest in that versus the concentration camps.
I'm not sure what makes this more "okay" in my head. War is war, right? Machine gunners and trenches and tanks aren't exactly the stuff of fluffy bedtime stories. But...somehow...World War Two as a subject is less horrific than Buchenwald for me. Maybe it's simply that hundreds of men being killed on an aircraft carrier go fast, in a fireball that doesn't allow for pictures of fingers grasping fences or piles of naked bodies in ditches. War between men in uniform is impersonal. Children being tattooed is far too personal for me.
What do you think? Am I overreacting? Should I guide him through this history lesson or gently redirect him toward a different aspect of the varying ways men kill each other?
It's awful that I have to even consider this.
11 comments:
I used to be fascinated by all that stuff in a detached kind of way. Not at 9 years old, though. I wasn't as brilliant as Jeffrey is, though. As you stated, he has always read above his age. But I don't think you're wrong is trying to steer him away from that sort of reading. Perhaps you can find him something to read that may include the horrors of it all and how people overcame them. Maybe you already do that. Nine year old boys do like gross stuff, though. What should be is that he gets beyond the gross stuff, realize that it is real, and learn about how great the human spirit is. I think you are already on this trail anyway. Good luck! Love you, sweetie.
I think there is a detatchment available when it is machines doing the fighting? I mean the people don't die any less earnestly... but the concentration camp stuff was a helpless victim by helpless victim thing. And the long torture of it first... I can see where you're coming from...
I take it he is way past Captain Underpants? And it ALSO sounds like he prefers non-fiction? Man, i don't know. My son at that age loved Cirque de Freak and Percy Jackson--which is an urban vampire series... but if Jeffrey doesn't like fantasy it might not be his thing.
as someone who works in a childrens book and toy store, i actually get asked this question (or variations of it) fairly often. there are a lot of kids whos reading has long surpassed that of their peers so they end up reading things that may deal with subjects they arent yet ready for. i HIGHLY suggest you find a book store with a good childrens section and knowledgeable employees. chances are they'll be able to help you out more than you think.
it sounds like jeffrey digs nonfiction and at our store we have a pretty good nonfiction section. the books are informative and not dumbed down, but they are also FOR KIDS. most of them deal with different aspects of history or science. (theres also an entire series of 'ology' books that are gorgeous: Vampireology, Pirateology, etc. they're coffee table books and super informative with great pictures. maybe that would appeal to jeffrey.)
Since jeff likes the I survived series, use that as a jumping off point. ex: "my kid likes this, what do you have thats like that?"
also, and you probably already know this, but kids fiction has come A LONG WAY. there are some really great, well written series' out there for kids ages 9-12. (my personal favorite, that i suggest to EVERYONE who asks, is the Among the HIdden series by margaret Haddix.)
so yeah, go into a book store and use those people for their knowledge.
That's a tough one. My daughter, despite all my best intentions, gravitated towards horror movies and the criminal shows at what I thought was too young of an age (her dad let her). However, she grew up to be a very kind, compassionate adult. She is bi-polar btw.
As far as reading goes, only you can decide what it's doing, where to set boundaries, and how to handle it. I am no help, but the previous comments all make sense.
I understand your concern, especially since he would tend to obsess over whatever interests him. Just set you boundary and stick to it, really it is all you can do and maybe find get some historical fact cards that he can memorize and enjoy?? Good luck!
Regardless of how smart our kids are, there are just certain things they're not ready for emotionally, well, until they're ready. Sounds to me like your intuition is telling you something and you're on the right track :)
You know your child best, and maybe you can find out what it is in particular, since has his particular brain, he is getting into ABOUT these subjects. As someone else said, that may then allow a redirection to other sorts of events that can capture his attention.
And if it is the mayhem, you will find a way to put the brakes on that, to get him to understand that the lessons of the suffering of those victims of torture, of the Holacaust, of other prison camps, is not in the methods, but in the immorality and inhumanity of it.
Boys are boys are boys. We can try so very hard to get them NOT to be interested in aggressive fighting, in weapons, in "noble" battles, but I'm afraid most will go through some sort of stage of that. Some will grow and choose to opt out. Others will not.
But I DO get the concern for his obsession. I hope you will let us know how this goes for you. It may be a minor thing; but being SURE cannot possibly hurt.
I am impressed that your son is reading. So many kids today are not. If this is what he is intrested in I would just check and see if what he is reading is suitable. If not look for something along the same lines that you agree with.
Well, Joe is almost 9 and I know that I would not want him to be reading about or looking at pictures on those kinds of topics just yet. He loves the Horrible History books (we have a tv series too here in the UK) but it's all done in a very humerous way. I think he would actually find pictures of concentration camps pretty distressing, but that's just the kind of aspie he is. At the end of the day, you know your child best, but I think a mother's instinct is rarely wrong.
Been there, still doing that. Son is AS. We have a pack rat book habit as a family so from the time he decided he could read he's done so voraciously because the books are just there.
I grew up the same way, so did my husband. We decided early on that restricting what he read to our choice was not sensible and would lead to a major fight we couldn't win.
What we did was to pack up the books we really didn't want him delving into. This included some of my father's medical textbooks, and a lot of my film books and art history stuff. Found suitable friends, explained the situation too them and gave them custody of the books until we were ready to have them back - i.e. when son was mature enough to deal with them in our judgement.
Then he could roam at will. He also loved non-fiction for a long time, but has now moved on to fiction and loves Victorian ghost stories.
Dude, Mrs. Ray...Did I ever tell you that I saw Elie Wiesel speak at GSU?? I TOTALLY thought about class.
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