As part of my on-going green up my life, lower my grocery bills, save the cheerleader, save the world process, I recently made my own laundry detergent. It has been great. Seriously. The stuff works just as well as my old, chemical-laden stuff and it is Teh Cheap. Huzzah!
Having conquered that, I decided to move on to laundry sheets. I don't know how this happens, but my house produces more static electricity than any house ever in the history of houses. Ever. It's ridiculous. We walk around all winter looking like we've had our hands on those big sparky electric globes from the 1980s. (Does anybody know what I'm talking about.) Frankly, it's not too much better in the summer, which makes me mad, because isn't mind-numbing humidity supposed to stop static electricity? Science makes my brain hurt.
Anyway, I'd long since switched to theoretically compostable dryer sheets from Mrs. Meyers. "Theoretically" because I never compost them. Ever. They do, however, wind up in balls all over my house for my husband to find and curse over. He LOVES my housekeeping style. It's the thing that glues our marriage together. (Snort.) I switched from Bounce sheets, which were great for the static cling, but which had all those nasty chemicals and the weird, polyester fibery leftover sheets that you can't compost, theoretically or otherwise.
Those theoretical sheets are really expensive, though, so I decided to move on to something else. I scoured Crackterest until I found a few ideas and got started.
First, I tried vinegar and some drops of lemon essential oil, which I was promised would cut down static electricity and make my clothes smell fresh. My clothes DID smell so fresh you could practically hear pre-Teh Crazy Axl Rose singing about them, but they also generated enough electricity to power my home. (WHY can't we channel static electricity to power our homes? See: science, the hurting of my brain.)
Next, I tried a tip involving hair conditioner and rags. Y'all. This was about as gross a thing as I have ever done. First, the cheap conditioners were laden with chemicals and scents that made me gag or question what ocean somebody was visiting to get a nose full of breeze like that. Shudder. The more expensive conditioners smelled better and had fewer chemicals, but they were, you know, more expensive. I opted for the more expensive ones, anyway. Once home, per the directions I found, I mixed the conditioner up with water in an old diaper wipe container I still have lying around. The directions called for me to soak a rag in the solution, squeeze out some of the solution, pop it in the dryer and wait for the non-staticky glory to happen.
The static WAS defeated. But don't get your huzzaher all warmed up, because there were several problems. First, sticking my hand in a vat of cold, slimy, watered-down conditioner was nasty on a sensory level. It also caused my fingers to break out in eczema sores and cracks, which isn't very comfy. Also, I'm assuming because the more expensive conditioner contained plant-derived oils, our clothes (particularly Will's non-100% cotton dress shirts) got oil-stains on them. At first, I blamed the spots on the children's and my poor eating habits--you can always tell what all of us had for every meal by what's on our shirts. But then I realized that Will doesn't have a head that spins on gimbals (or gyres...whatever) and that he doesn't ever get grease spots on his clothes, much less on the back of his shirts. DANG IT. Out went the conditioner.
Then I found a suggestion to ball up an eighteen-inch piece of aluminum foil and put that sucker in the dryer. This was followed by a metric crapton (for the folks who've asked, this is roughly equivalent to a standard shitload, give or take a few grams) of comments that extolled the virtues of this technique. Well, okay. I accordingly balled up the aluminum foil and dried, despite my tocaya's dire warnings. The result: le static. Okay, but, you know, my house is REALLY staticky. So I balled up another piece. The result: le static. What followed was pretty much a psychotic break during which I balled up an entire roll of aluminum foil and shoved it into my dryer piece by piece yelling, "DIE, STATIC, DIEEEEEEE!"
It didn't.
I don't know where Miss I Don't Know Why All Of You Aren't Using Aluminum Foil Balls To Stop Static Cling lives, but I suspect it is at the bottom of the ocean, because the aluminum foil did not work. At all. AT ALL. (Not that I'm bitter.)
So today I'm betaking myself to the grocery store to buy a package of Bounce before my laundry finally succeeds in its plan to make me totally insane. It might have won this battle, but it won't win the war. As the Filing Cabinet as my witness, it WON'T BEAT ME.
3 comments:
One battle does not a war make. You shall overcome and then we will all benefit from your acquired knowledge ;)
Hugs! Hang in there, darlin'!
K
I plan to try this. After I, you know, buy some wool! It does explain why it should work and sounds probable to me. But, I know you don't want me to tell you about the electrons and how static happens :) http://www.crunchybetty.com/how-to-make-felted-wool-dryer-balls
Static electricity is a surplus of electrons that sit still rather than moving around (which is why it's called "static" electricity.)
The trick is to give the electrons some way to move to ground. (Literally: into the Earth.)
You might try wiping the clothes over a metal surface on an appliance that is plugged in (like if you had a stainless steel refrigerator, that would be ideal. The exterior of the fridge is connected to ground via the plug in the wall. You could rub your clothes against the front surface.)
Appliances that have an enamel coating, like most washers and dryers, wouldn't work as well. (as shown by the fact that the clothes come out of the dryer static-y, and the inside is enameled metal.)
Tap water is also a good conductor, so you could dampen your hands, and your bare feet, and stand on a floor that does NOT have carpeting, and rub your damp hands on the clothes. The electricity will at least partially travel through your skin and into the floor.
If that doesn't work well, try wrapping a length of bare wire around a metal pipe (such as under the sink) and then wrapping the other end around your wrist while you pass your dampened hands over the clothes.
And yes, humidity is supposed to help with static because the water molecules in the air can glom onto the excess electrons on your clothes/hair and spirit them away.
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